Oh My God...

If you know me well enough you know that I don't say God... ever... You'll know when I'm mad because I'll say God. I'm so annoyed that I can't even sleep. -_- I have a meeting with the captains this afternoon and I really have to wake up to go talk to them.
I don't wanna worry or think about this crap anymore.. My GOD...
I just wanna enjoy my weekend, get the first 4 days of next week over with and play in the berkeley open. Sigh.
I just can't shake this feeling... -_-
Does my mind want it to happen so bad that it's over-powering me?

So tonight, Josie and I headed over to Quyen's and had an officer's meeting with badminton. Talked about the spring open tournament, preparing for it, and setting up deadlines. Talked about uniforms, and sweaters. Volunteers and etc. Pretty interesting. Although we did get off-topic a few times but it's all good. Meeting took awhile too.
Anyway, Josie and I are going to Jackson tonight. Probably with Jiaxi maybe, Miranda and Will. But yea, probably gonna play some poker. Get some practice in I guess. Then back to the bay saturday afternoon which Josie isn't coming with, just Tim (badminton friend). Then back to Davis again sometime before 5pm so I don't miss much of the superbowl which I don't really care for this year... then I have work at 8pm to 12am. And then the long Monday... =_= Sigh. I don't have time for much anymore, which I'm kinda glad. Don't have to commit myself to anything else but school, work, and badminton which is working quite well for me. Don't have to worry about useless things. Just ME time. Although I wish there were more than 24 hours in a day so that I could get more sleep in... lol. Where are those red bulls when I need them? haha. But neh... since I work at Quickly's now, I can get all the milk tea I want, and it really does keep me up o_O Well at least they're healthier than energy drinks, but I do like jaiger bombs :p Yumm. I don't know what to do when I actually have free time though. I could sleep, eat, but I wanna keep my sleeping cycle normal and not all wacko like it was before. And like, I don't feel like myself lately, I feel like I'm carrying some really heavy loads on my shoulders, or maybe I'm just tired? I want to do something where I can be worry-free for like a night or a weekend or so. I don't want to worry about anything and just have fun. "Party like you just don't care" Mmm..

Seems somebody put out the moon, now the road is a mine field.

Tylenol anyone?

Geez, why do I have a headache? I had a decent amount of sleep, ate a prime rib footlong at subways, everything was fine until I got to work. Found out that 3 hours was added to my Thursdays shift which was 11to4pm now to 11to7pm. I appreciate that I'm getting more hours but it's too bad that I have school now, so I can only stay til 4pm -_- I have class at 5pm. Oh yea and Tim (my manager) didn't even bother to tell me about him adding on to my shift, what an ass -_- On top of that I had to close by myself tonight. I usually work closing Tuesday nights with Jamie but Tim called her and told her she didn't have to come in.... wtf... it was hella hectic and the chef that was trying to help was so useless. He left all the orders that he didn't know how to make (which was about 50% of like maybe about 30 orders?) on the side and didn't even tell me until I went back there to check if everything was ok.. People were getting impatient and I had to say sorry so many times and take people's shit. Ugh, Tim is an idiot, thinking that one person can work closing shift? IDIOT! Thank goodness Jamie cared enough to come by and check up on me, so she helped me get caught up on my orders while the chef was just standing around staring into space... We have enough chefs but not enough drink makers -_- My gosh, I was pretty pissed. Maybe that's why I have this headache right now. Turning back and forth, twisting and turning my body back and forth, running back and forth to the back to make drinks then back up to the register to take more orders. Ugh so tiring. I had to clean everything by myself and only got 7 dollars for tip.... I need a better job but our economy is so full of shit, I can't just quit.
I had a paper to write which I drafted Monday night so all I needed to do was to type it out. At least I'm not procrastinating yet... lol. I have a history quiz too which I feel confident about. I hate history though.... lol.
So berkeley tournament is next weekend. Pretty excited, just don't know the sleeping situation right now =.= Jaime and Richard are coming up for the weekend to play in the tourney. I've been practicing with Fanny alot lately and not much with Bin. Still got about 3 more practices, I better use that time wisely. I hope I don't get one of those bad days at the tourney... sigh, that would make me so sad.
On top of everything, I've been listening to my trance again. Feels good and it relaxes me, so does piano... mmm. I want some devils lettuce T_T supersigh. Alright, it's 2:38am. Time for me to get some shut eye, got 930am class in the morning =[ Goodnight.

Because...

Just felt like I should blog... sort of.
I'm so tired right now, I'm gonna pass the eff out any minute.
Today was hella fulfilling.
930am class all the way to 320pm in three classes.
Sigh.
Then I had work at 4pm til 8pm then went to practice.
Got home at around 1120pm to shower and eat some potstickers.
And now I'm sitting here out in the living room.
The air is so cold but my arms got used to it.

I don't know. I don't care. Kill me now.


All American Rejects - StraitJacketFeeling

Good song. Can't stop listening to it.

Drifting into another world...

Something's up and I don't know what it is. I have this feeling in myself that somethings changing. My feelings have been like off the charts for some odd reason. I've been getting annoyed and irritated so easily. And no, it's not my time of the month -_- Something weird is definitely up and too bad I don't know how to explain it. BUT, the more I think about it, the more I feel like I should just drift further away just to make things lighter on my side. And the more I think about it, the more I miss the past. Ahhh, what to do. I need get my shit straight.

Last night I played badminton at Wilcox's open gym. Saw the new coach, he didn't look too inviting when I introduced myself to him. Hrmm. And wow, I fucking sucked last night. I don't even know what the hell happened. I don't think not having my badminton equipment there was the reason I was sucking so hard, but I guess =.= Maybe it was because of the gym? And wtf, I finally get to play with my mp99 again and POP there goes my strings. WTF. I don't know where all my skills went... Practice in Davis was going so well, and then bam... it's like I'm back to JUST learning how to play doubles. I was so mad at myself last night, how could I have lost to them? No offense to them T_T ugh. I know I'm better than that too. Yea, I probably sound hella cocky right now, but I'm just being hard on myself and I don't like to lose to people when I know I can beat them. I played with Jason too, he still plays the same as when I played with him last summer at Bintang but he did cover me alot. I guess we both didn't play too well last night. Sigh. I hate those bad days, so dumb and inconsistent. I'm so competetive that I sound like a dick right now. Great... fuck me.

In two weeks, I'm playing in the Berkeley Polar Bear II tournament with Fanny in BC Womens Doubles and B with Bin. Gives me a little bit more time to train til then. I think Fanny and I make a good doubles team and I hope we get somewhere in BC but most likely A WD is gonna combine with B since it's such a small bracket so maybe we'll get to play round robin or something. I'm not too sure about playing mixed though. I'm not as confident in mixed as when I used to be sophomore year in high school? Meh... we'll see. I am looking forward to playing though, kinda wanna see some old friends and all.

February should be an interesting month to see.
I have spring break in April and I have no idea what I'm gonna do.
School has been pretty good so far.

Wait, I think I just felt something. I think I feel like I've been missing out on something else. Not sure what though. It's like something I really want to do but can't? T_T
WHAT IS IT!? I'm dying to know!
Ahh... here's another. Maybe I feel like I'm putting too much in but I'm not getting the same back? I'm expecting too much out of something that is "fresh"?????????? Gah.

I am just stuck on this piece of land until I find some ship to rescue me =_=

S.O.S. !!!!

Merp...

I've been having some weird vibes lately. Flashbacks in my dreams, basically my memories are haunting me. A "throwback"... If I had a time machine, I wish to start high school over again, re-do the things I would've done better or different, try harder in school, make better decisions. Flashbacks were mostly in the year of 06`. Best year of high school. Ending of sophomore year going to the end of junior year. Sigh. Everything happens for a reason though. Good things break apart so that better things can get together.
2006 was just the best year overall. Life was so perfect.
Crash and burn, crash and burn. What can I do? People change I guess, including myself.
Badminton was so fun. The 06` people were such a special group that I loved to hangout with them. I'm so glad to have been a part of their lives.
It just seems like now, I've lost those genuine friends. Well, not really lost, just not as interactive as the years before. I've picked up new great friends, but I'll always miss those good times. But that's life... you lose some, you make some more. I'm not saying I'm unhappy with what I have now. I just miss those days.
At least, now I'm in a better place. There's no more baggage holding me from moving forward.